Sunday, March 01, 2015

A weekend alone is not quite what I had in mind, however it is a blessing to have a little solitude to get everything in perspective. Why does life have a habit of pulling the rug from under you, without giving so much as a whiff of explanation?

I am well versed in the art of hyperbole, but that doesn't mean the smaller changes don't have a large impact. 

The Summer has been decided and I am to return to the Shire instead of Brighthelmstone, to take a more responsible role as governess, patron? I'm not sure what to call myself other than Duchess. I may be rather unconventional, with my choices of travel and governing and teaching and learning but I wouldn't change my life for anything.

Though the Summer has been put in my diary, the months that succeed it are more than questionable. The Duke and I have continued our conversation and have come the conclusion of 'Que Sera Sera.' Normally I thrive at the unknown, I enjoy spontaneity and recklessness (for want of a better word!) however, I cannot help but feel that I shall miss out on some opportunities if I don't go out and get them!

I'm not even sure what opportunities I am referring to, only that this perpetual state of indecision doesn't agree with me. 

If it were up to me, after my Summer in the Shire, I would call another country my home. Giving my heart to an unfamiliar landscape, discover a culture that I am currently unaware of and learn another language that is foreign to my ear. It is what I have done since leaving the Northern counties the first time round and it seems that old habits die hard.

But not if I have to choose between travelling and the Duke... That is a decision I hope never have to make.



D. S. 

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Another few days have passed and my routine has changed dramatically; fewer early morning and late nights, which is always a bonus! The writing and studying is no less relentless, but at least I now have the time to do it!

I can't believe that my year as a Lady-in-Waiting is more than half way through! Where on earth has all the time gone? It is only February, so I'm sure that there is every possibility that I could be counting my chickens before they're hatched, but it does seem like before I know it and the Summer will be upon us. 

The Duke of Albany, poor thing, is suffering with an unfortunate condition at the moment, so we have strayed away from intelligent conversation nor discussed our future. Rather I have spent the time looking after my love, trying my hand at the 'domestic goddess' role I know so any other women manage without gloating or complaining. 

I, on the other hand, seem to find the role rather difficult... Who wants to spend all their time at home tidying, sorting, cooking, organising and other drudgeries? I praise those who find comfort in the repetition of their role, and who excel at the simplest of tasks, because I can somehow manage to fail at boiling water ~ it never quite works out according to plan!


Don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate anyone who glides through life with the utmost elegance, but I fear I am more apt to stomping and stumbling, which makes me rather inadequate as domestic goddess. In fact, the Duke may have even made a comment or two about my cooking, but I shall keep those to myself, and try again... Perseverance and stubbornness are my greater strengths (much to his disappointment no doubt!).

In other news, my Mother is returning from the Antipodes and it has been just shy of a year since we have laid eyes on each other. I'm very much looking forward to seeing her, catching up with all we have done since we last saw each other, and hearing all about the other side of the world that I fell in love with all those years ago. Additionally, I'm also rather proud of my home here in the Northern counties and I can't wait to show it off!

I only hope the Duke recovers before my Mother arrives!



D. S.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

I'm not going to discuss my non-existent plans for the future because I fear I may bore my wonderful readers, and indeed frustrate myself. So instead I shall talk about the fun I've had in the northern cities... So much fun say, that I could almost compare it to my younger more hedonistic days ~ but of course these days I stay on the correct side of propriety.

I travelled a short distance to visit a dear friend who too has made the journey up North and is happy to call it her home. The blonde and I have had many adventures while we resided in the Shire together a few years ago, and it was an absolute delight to to reminisce about the times we have shared and to make new memories.

We drank delightful cocktails and danced and intrigued the men around us with our raucous laughter. It renewed my love of the North and inspired me to look forward to whatever the future holds ~ regardless of where in the world I shall be. 

The next few weeks will undoubtedly be more difficult than the previous few months and though I fully expected this year as Lady-in-Waiting to have its trials and tribulations, I fear that if I do not concentrate I may slip and fall and it could all be for nothing. Writing as always is where I find my refuge, but the studies sometimes take priority, which is why there are often too many days between posts.

I want it all, if only there were more hours in the day. 



D. S.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

A return to normality? What would it even be like to have 'normality'? What does that even mean? 

If only I knew. 

I have returned to my studies and have had the greatest pleasure of spending more time with the wonderful ladies of the North. We have much in common and have discussed at length the fun we had many moons ago. Not too far in the discernible future shall we hope to replicate that evening with copious goblets of wine, when we have a little less to do and a little more to celebrate. 

The Duke and I have continued to discuss our future and never more have I been more unsure about what the future holds. 

The Summer, yes! The Summer I have already planned to spend at the Convent ~ Brighthelmstone or the Shire I have not yet decided ~ but after the long summer days... Then what?

The Duke of Albany seems torn between staying or going to pastures new and I know that I do not have the right to dictate his life for another year... And yes I do enjoy spontaneity, but I would like some say in the future! Somehow I doubt that that will be the case. Instead I shall have to while away the hours not knowing, having to make a decision at the very last minute. 


I'm complaining for the sake of it... I have nothing more to say that I haven't already said, and yet I still feel unsettled. I want to see the world. Yet I have another year before I can call myself 'teacher' and it irks me to know that I am chained to my responsibilities ~ even though I know this is a life I chose for myself. 

I don't know what it is I am looking for... But there is something else.



D. S.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

A lot is going to change in the next few days, and once again I am in the midst of many goodbyes. No I have not packed my bags and left for some untravelled lands, but rather another chapter is coming to a close. My current position is in a turmoil and I have somewhere new to go, which of course means goodbyes. I have only been in my current position for a few shorts months but there is nothing like routine to make you realise that there are some wonderful people in the world and I am so grateful to everyone I have met. 

Travel is still on the forefront of my mind (and I know that I've said that more than once) and I have taken up learning what I can about the Orient. The language and culture are most fascinating and there's nothing more that I'd love to do than travel distant lands with my other half, the Duke of Albany. 

Indeed another holiday is looming, one that I've written about many times before, and it is a holiday dedicated to love. Love is an ever changing priority in one's life. As a child you think only of the love of yourself, having had it so freely given by parents and family. As you get older and desire men or women, you realise that love can mean power and games and lust and can hurt so much you feel like you can't breathe. 

Then as time passes, eventually you get to know love, and you can caress the emotions that you've got used to over the years and can greet love like an old friend. This love, this comfortable love where passions can ignite as quickly as they long to hold your hand, is a love worth knowing, a love worth waiting for. 

This Valentine's Day I hope that those I love feel appreciated and tell their loved ones how much they mean to them. For that is how I intend to spend my weekend... After I've said my goodbyes. 


D. S.