Sunday, April 12, 2015

Weeks can go by and the monotony of life drags by without so much as a whisper of change, but I write diligently about my life because I intend not to disappoint those who read about my antics. Then more than a fortnight flashes past, and my life forces me to take a hiatus from my writing and then when I can finally sit down and have a moment to reflect, I do not know where to start.

I have travelled many hundreds of miles in the last few weeks, returning to the Shire, to Brighthelmstone, the northern counties and even further north to the aforementioned Dearne Valley.

Who knew that this small country had so much to offer in such a short space of time? I've confirmed my role for the summer at Brighthelmstone, and despite knowing that I have taken on a huge responsibility, I'm looking forward to the challenge. There is nothing like feeling ready for a new lease of life. 

Past the summer however, is still rather blurred. I'm lacking clarity and cannot truthfully say what it is I want to do. Yes, I want to travel, but my options are rather permanent, or fleeting. Nothing in between. The Duke of Albany of course, is having an influence, and though I am exceedingly grateful he has few expectations for me, I sometimes wish he'd try and convince me to stay. I don't want him to ask me, but I'd rather he made the choice more difficult. Though maybe he knows me better than I think... Nothing and no one will stop me from seeing what else the world has to offer.  

So I have left the northern counties for a few months and found solitary refuge in Dearne Valley. It is positively rural in comparison to the more cosmopolitan places I have lived, but there is a primordial sense of belonging here, even though I am considered an outsider.

I am looking forward to the next few months... Who knows what shall occur.

D. S.

Monday, March 30, 2015

Where to begin?

Over a week has passed, or rather vanished, and I'm now at home, looking out of my South Wing bedroom window at the Shire in all of its springtime glory. 

The last time I wrote, everything was rather up in the air about my future... The Duke and I had no plans past the summer and I didn't' even know if I'd be in the northern counties for the weeks to come. 

Again, I do not have all the answers, but as the future has arrived, as it were, I can describe what has happened and what I believe may happen in the next few days. After that, it's still as murky as ever. 

I had the the delight of the Gameskeeper over the weekend, we were celebrating another year of his life and considering we hadn't seen each other in over two years(!) it was wonderful to see his face... Right before he passed out. But the chances are that I'll have the opportunity to see him a little more often now that I am being moved... 

Yes. I wanted to travel and it seems that my prayers have been answered. As far North as I am, there is still more countryside that I haven't yet laid eyes on, and I am being sent to Dearne Valley to learn their ways. Truly, this year has been very educational!

I have a fortnight before I have to travel into the unknown, so have chosen to reside in my Shire for a few days before heading South to Brighthelmstone. The entire length of this great nation is at my disposal, but I do feel it may exhaust me. I suppose I could utter the fateful words 'be careful what you wish for', but that would sound as if I am ungrateful for these opportunities, and that wouldn't be true. I love that I get to see new places, meet new friends and discover more about a country I do take for granted. I'm also enjoying being home and seeing my Father and my Ladies of the Shire. In actual fact, I suppose I have much to be thankful for. 

It does mean that the Duke and I have a few months of separation ahead of us, but it is not the same great distance that we have overcome before, and I believe that absence does make the heart grow fonder. He has been more than supportive, and I look forward to him joining me in a few days...

Until then, I shall make myself useful before another journey even further South tomorrow. 

D. S.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

I'm scared to write down what I believe may happen in the future in case I am cursed and the path I hope to walk down is blocked to me because I have uttered it aloud. It wouldn't be the first time that has happened, though I do not want to sound superstitious. To give voice to my future seems futile; as I have previously stated, only one thing is certain ~ change

So instead of speculating and umming and ahhing about what may or may not happen, I shall describe purely the facts.

What do I know?

The sun has made an appearance only to be blocked by the moon, an event I never though to witness in my lifetime. It was stunningly exquisite and made me want to weep with love for the world. It also however encouraged my wanderlust... I can only imagine what else is out there that could bring tears to my eyes from sheer beauty, especially that which I have not seen. 

All else I can state as fact is my return to Brighthelmstone in a few weeks. I am looking forward to the opportunity to ingratiate myself back in the genteel lifestyle, and hopefully it will make my future plans a little clearer. 

Indeed, even more so than Brighthelmstone, I am longing for the Shire. 

It doesn't happen often but when it does, the need for my countryside is powerful. I need to see the hills I call home and have a moment to reflect on what I truly want for the future because I'm sure that's one of the reasons why I'm unwilling to commit. Something about the Shire just makes sense, and I feel the need to make it my own, so that I may gain some clarity. 

What do I want? 

If only I could find the words. 

D. S.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Even now I know less than I did before. In an ever-changing world only one thing is certain; change. 

Conversations have flitted around the topic of the Summer between the Duke of Albany and I, and I don't think it is possible for me to show my gratitude as he has been more than understanding and undoubtedly supportive. I do not deserve the love of the Duke, nor to have him pandering to the oscillating whims of the universe. 

Brighthelmstone or the Shire. I believe that my predilection for Brighthelmstone has been noted by all, but whether or not that pleases the world enough to allow me to return there TWICE this year? Would I be so fortunate?

My wanderlust is far from sated at the thought of traversing the length of England, I still need to go further afield. Somewhere as different as the Antipodes where I could meet more people who think and feel the way I do. As delightful as England is, this island seems to breed a sense of superiority and lust for material things. I fall too easily into those types of longings when I am here, not rejoicing in everything else the world has to offer. 

I need to travel. It makes me a better person. 

I forgot to mention what it was like seeing my Mother again after so many months apart. It has been a whirlwind few weeks and it doesn't look to me slowing down any time soon.

She was far happier than I can remember seeing her of late, yet she seemed relatively unchanged. It was wonderful to catch up, surely no one has the pleasure of knowing you like your own Mother? I suppose she didn't help change my mind about travelling as she has called many other places her home since I last saw her. If anything she encouraged me to take the leap...

We shall see. It's the unknown that is most frustrating.

D. S.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Alack and alas, if only I could say what it was that my future holds, but I am just as in the dark as I was last time I wrote

All I can confirm is that I shall spend my Easter break in the Shire, enjoying the Spring festivities with my darling Ladies of the Shire... Before spending a fortnight at Brighthelmstone, discovering for myself whether I am up to the challenge of the role that has been designed for me, and giving myself a little more time to make a decision before the Summer is upon us.

The Duke shall accompany me to the Shire, but while I figure out what it is I need to do in Brighthelmstone, he is going to cross the Continent to visit his own family and friends. I think it is best that we have some time apart, only so that we can appreciate each other all the more upon his return. 

I have very little time to get my head around the idea of moving back down South for a few weeks, but it is only temporary... The Shire is always a delight to visit and I cannot wait to frolic with my childhood friends. No doubt there are many scandals and tales afoot that I have mislaid because I am not in close proximity to hear the gossip (nor to create it, thankfully!) so I am most looking forward to catching up with all that I have missed. 

Until that time arises I fully intend to keep my head low and continue with this personal struggle to learn what it is I need to learn to become a Lady-in-Waiting

D. S.